My Struggle with Deadly Force

I have had to struggle with this issue over my lifetime and just when I think I’ve reached a defensible, solid conclusion something presents which challenges or reveals and cause me to reassess.

I faced this after ten years in the US Air Force, when I transferred to US Army to attend Officer Candidate School (OCS). In the Air Force Strategic Air Command, death and destruction was far off, seen only through scopes, screens, and target lists. I was a nuclear weapons technician, charged with maintaining the most destructive weapons ever devised. Their awesome power made their employment a very remote possibility. 

Yet it still became real from time to time when we responded to alert sirens, or waited to see if the B-52s took off (if they did, it meant nuclear war, if not, we were good for another day).

We did some training with handheld firearms (shotguns and M16s) to provide “interior security,” but the threat was nebulous and remote, the targets were paper bullseyes, and we had plenty of USAF security police with automatic weapons prowling the Weapons Storage Area.

I entered Army Officer Candidate School (OCS) as an E-5, but knew next to nothing about the Army. I had a smart battle buddy who got me up to speed quickly, though, and soon I was a component candidate, honor graduate, and commissioned a Second Lieutenant.

The Program of Instruction (POI) was Infantry-focused. The Army believed that every leader should understand Infantry tactics, tools, and techniques in order to support the Army’s basic mission.

This was further reinforced by the OCS school commandant who had served as a Ranger in Vietnam. He insisted we learn to shoot, move, and communicate under stress and in all sorts of conditions. So every candidate -- including those destined to be logisticians and administrators -- had to carry a ruck, man a M60 machine gun, and toss grenades. 

Towards the end of the course I heard the field training described as “mini Ranger school.” Given that the majority of cadre were, in fact, Ranger qualified, it was probably true.

As much as I learned about modern warfare, the US Army, and tactics and leadership, the gnawing questions that haunted me during this time was one I had not considered in the previous ten years: Can I take a life? Would I shoot to kill? Could I order others to kill?

I realized it was important to decide this ahead of time. This is not a question that should be answered under duress: a moment’s hesitation could have fatal consequences for me and for others.

This question was amplified by our location. Lancaster County, Pennsylvania is home to many Mennonite and Amish. Both groups share a long history as pacifists. As a believer, it’s hard not to be consider the opposing view when so many friends and neighbors hold this deeply-held conviction. Can they all be wrong? Was I just accepting the pro-war position though inertia?

This became a problem for me. I had to answer the question “Can Christians kill?” satisfactorily and unequivocally. It could not be a mere passing thought or preference -- I had to answer and then take the appropriate actions under that conviction. It would be dishonest to serve as an officer in United States Armed Forces and be ambivalent.

This is a question with no possible compromise. All modern weapons are lethal. Fire an M9 pistol, M4 or M16 rifle, M203 grenade launcher, TOW missile, .50 caliber machine gun, or M1A1 tank main gun round and you know what’s going to happen if you have a person in the sights. Setup a Claymore mine, wrap det cord, or call for artillery fire and it’s going to be violent. At Armor School at Fort Knox we learned that an M1 tank had 5 weapons: 120mm Main Gun, 7.62 coaxial machine gun, Commander’s .50 caliber machine gun, Loader’s 7.62 machine gun – and the treads.

While various “non-lethal” weapons are useful in some unique circumstances, those circumstances are rare. Non-lethal effectiveness is often compromised by various conditions. Therefore even those employing non-lethals depend on lethal weapons as backup, in case the non-lethals are ineffective.

This is not an easy answer and I question the sincerity of someone who thinks otherwise. Either they have not considered all the implications or have no imagination.